Every week on my show, I give you my thoughts about a subject we've talked about, is in the news, or just plain drives me nuts.
Since we've all had fun talking about the most recent Brewers-Cubs series at Miller Park and all the fan shenanigans, I thought I would share my thoughts on ballpark etiquette this week.
And if you want to check out my weekly feature, If Steve Ruled the World, join me at 620WTMJ every Wednesday at 11:35.
Here we go...
IF STEVE RULED THE WORLD, When attending a visiting ballpark, be it Miller Park, Wrigley, Comiskey (or whatever the heck that park is called now) do not randomly shout out the f-word as you are watching the game, do not spill beer or any other liquid on fans around you, do not stand up for long periods when no one else is standing up around you, and never, ever, ever punch anybody. It’s a baseball game folks, relax.
IF STEVE RULED THE WORLD, If you go to the bathroom, go for a brat and a beer, walk almost a mile to get to the smoking section of Miller Park, or leave your seat for any reason during the game, do not try to get back to your seat until the next batter is up. The rest of us shouldn’t have to miss the game because you’re drunkenly stumbling your way down the row.
IF STEVE RULED THE WORLD, When tailgating, do not place your grill, with the hot charcoal still inside, directly under the gas tank of your vehicle. I know you want to save your $1.99 disposable grill for the next tailgate, but fire and gas do not mix, especially at the ballpark.
IF STEVE RULED THE WORLD, I know many fans like to travel to the opposing team’s ballpark (I’ve done it myself.) But when you do, a tip for you: When you support a team, it’s OK and perfectly acceptable to wear the jersey of that team (unless you’re Scott Warras of course). But showing up at a Brewers-Cubs game with a Phillies or Packers jersey for that matter, is not gonna fly here. (A shout out to the Rocky fans who got that reference). It's just dumb. Don’t do this.
IF STEVE RULED THE WORLD, If you’re older than nine, leave your baseball glove at home. Nobody is impressed when you catch a foul ball with a glove on when you're 30 years old. Now catch it with your bare hand, you'll probably get a rousing round of applause. And, if you are lucky enough to snag a ball, always, always, always look around for a kid to give it to. I guarantee you the kid will remember that forever (happened to my daughter), you however will feel good for about 10 seconds, before the crowed starts to boo.
IF STEVE RULED THE WORLD, When the National Anthem is being played, take your hat off. Why is this hard to remember? They literally tell you to take your hat off right before they start playing it. Are you that bad of a listener?
IF STEVE RULED THE WORLD, If you yell for a beer from a vendor who has been slinging a couple cases of beer around for more than a couple hours, it’s not OK to tip him a quarter. Or not at all. A beer costs what $10 now? Give him a single or two, chances are you are drunk and won’t remember your generosity anyway. But the people around you will. And that good will goes a long way.
IF STEVE RULED THE WORLD, Don’t talk on your cell phone when you’re in the stands during a game. I don’t care that your babysitter doesn’t know what pizza to order for the kids or that your boss needs you to come in on Saturday, or that your buddy is sitting down the right field line and you can see each other and wave. Shut the h*** up and watch the game.
IF STEVE RULED THE WORLD, When the stadium cam, kiss cam, whatever it's called, focuses on you in the stands, don’t be a tool. Don’t whip out the middle finger, don’t pull your shirt up, don’t make gang signs, again, just be normal. Look awkward, that is a normal reaction when a camera points at you when you’re not expecting it. Kiss your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, hell, kiss a Cubs fan. Maybe you’ll be the Henry Kissinger of baseball détente.
IF STEVE RULED THE WORLD, Never, ever, ever do the wave at a baseball game. That’s not a baseball thing. It suggests boredom, or worse, a complete lack of knowledge about the game of baseball. I understand you may be a Cubs fan, but doing the wave just makes us all hate you more. And I want to like you. I’m sorry your traffic is so bad, and that the Bulls aren’t so Jordan-esque anymore. And that your State’s Attorney is a moron. But c’mon, act like a normal person when you come to Miller Park.
AS LEAST AS NORMAL AS THE BREWERS FANS.
And that bar is not that high.
That is this week’s IF STEVE RULED THE WORLD.
Next week, I'll take a crack at the unwritten rules of golf.